Chapter 6: What you want

Yesterday I got bit by a really big mosquito. I didn't kill it, 'cause killing is bad, I know that, so I just watched it and all of a sudden I felt really envious. Mosquitos know exactly what they want, they don't wonder around thinkin "oh well... what am I gonna have for breaky today, toast or porridge or just coffee? or get something from 7/11 on the way to work which I hate and that reminds me I hate my job also, but I have to do it 'cause I don't have a clue of what else to do and I'm not sure if not knowing would pay my rent....anyway after that I'll go get drunk at some random bar to help me forget the things I hate and try to hook up someone, who may accidentally become the love of my life or maybe I'll just go to bed early or I'll be late for work tomorrow as well." Mosquitos have a clear vision of life: they just want to suck blood. Then they go and reproduce. Sammy says women are like that too. They just suck the living hell out of you and then they want your babies.

Chapter 5: Options?

Sammy and I went to this wedding last weekend. My cousin Ray was getting married to a very nice girl called Selma. When the priest asked if she is going to take my cousin to become her lovely husband to have and to hold till death does them in parts she just said: "Maybe".




Till that day I never thought that you really have an option. It's either "yes" or "no".
But actually it turns out that there is such a great variety of important decisions you can choose from in life. To be or not to be or To be or perhaps? or even To be maybe later and not to be now.

Chapter 4: Changes

As I was very stressed out because of that sex thing, Sammy thought it would be a good idea to take the time out too and have a nice holiday somewhere. We flew to a very nice tropical island. Sammy was very excited, because the locals were planning a great show there. They wanted to make a Guinness record in having the biggest Total Makeover show ever. We rented a small house there.




We had a great time: long romantic walks along the beach and great meals in restaurants I learned to dance Compas, similar to African dance, very fun.
The people there were really great and friendly and I think their show went really well too.

Nature

Chapter 3: Man,woman or just wo?

I think it is very important to figure out which sex is better. Who is stronger, smarter and prettier: the man or the woman? I have to put a lot of effort and do research to make it really clear. After all I am giving birth to myself.


Women seem nice. They often get free entrance to clubs and have very wide variety of clothes to wear. They can wear dresses and nice lingerie. Men have only boxers. Women can combine pink panties with a black bra to show personality. Except that the boobs in the bras don't seem very comfortable. Why do they need them at all?



I like men too. They have more muscles than women and a penis. I could stick it everywhere I feel like: between the books or dip it in the aquarium or in a condom. Also they have facial hair. At least all the real men do.



I haven't had a good night sleep for 3 days now. I've been thinking and comparing and researching the whole history of mankind to find out who is primal. I even thought of becoming mans best friend, but Sammy is allergic to both cats and dogs. He says I shouldn't worry too much about it. Well, it's easy for him to say, he exists.

Chapter 2: Important things

There is a small lake very close to our house. In the mornings, when I drink coffee on our terrace, I look at the lake and think about fish. I wonder if they ever think about us? Sammy says fish are dumb. For me it seems there is a lot on their minds and they are smart like us, they just don't say.






Drinking coffee always makes me want to go to the toilet. It's the only place where I am completely on my own. People are often afraid of being alone. Especially when they get older. That is why their digestion gets slower too.
I don't think that fish are ever lonely, they all take a dump together.





Sometimes an asshole sticks to a pretty lady and a prince to a frog or a scientist to a baker or a cleaning woman even.
This is called love. It's like glue. Sammy doesn't believe in love. He thinks love is fiction like Santa Claus. Santa who doesn't bring any presents.




I am not sure if it is love or global warming, but some people experience sudden seismic changes when meeting certain other human being of the opposite or even the same sex. As it usually only happens once in a human lifetime I made a scheme, so you could recognize it when it happens to you. I recommend you to print it out. Pay special attention on the trajectory of the liver.



Our next door neighbour, Reece, who is very well educated, said that the scheme is way too complicated for her. She figured that this experience is a great risk to our health and that people actually need simple things. She also said that we have to look for good things you don't see. The more good things you have the better.




I often used to hear our good neighbours fighting and screaming. Then they made some babies. They scream even louder. Sammy wants to make babies too. I think it's a brilliantly good idea only I haven't yet decided of which sex I am. So I'm not sure if that would be possible in a few chapters.

Why?

Chapter 1: Doing good things

I want my work to make people happy too. So I surprise them and give presents when they least expect it. Here you are, David!



...and here's for Jonathan! You can really sweep people off their feet on photos.





Sammy thinks that it's not people who need good things. They have enough things already. It is animals who need them. He wants to release all the animals from the zoos. I promised to help him as much as I can.





Run, little monkey, run!






P.S. But I still sometimes secretly help starving children in Africa. I send all the best help I know.

Introduction

This is me.
It's quite an old photo, but I haven't changed much
just my hair is a bit shorter now.

This is me and my best friend Sammy. He is a writer and helps me out with my comics. He has a very huge penis as you can see on this picture. We like to take photos in grocery shops.


Sammy wants to write a great novel called "Lie" to make people think about good things and make everybody happy. He has this theory that lies make people happy. For example look at this red circle here. Doesn't it make you jump from joy?




I work as a photo editor in a small web design company in the Internet . I draw hallmarks.
Can you find it?





I am from Europe, but Sammy is American, so we live just outside New Jersey now.
This is our house. Sammy has hands of gold, so he built me a balcony. I like to have breakfast there.





Me and Sammy met in Prague, where I was studying. Sammy was an American tourist looking
for Big Ben. I don't like to disappoint people. I helped him out. We became friends.